- Other drivers. Driving is a privilege not a right, and other drivers have been bigger dicks than usual today. Forgetting rules of priority on roundabouts, letting me through but stopping halfway through the obstruction as they do so that I have to tell them to just get through the fucking thing, being unable to reverse even though I purposely left plenty of room to do so, having to drop down to first gear to negotiate narrow tunnels whilst I patiently wait at a green light for them to crawl through, slowing down to turn on their lights and being afraid to go above 40mph in the rain.
- My bread slicing skills. They pay disabled people minimum wage to slice bread for the chance to call their company an ethical one, so how the fuck do I have to destroy a whole loaf in my quest for four slices of bread?
- Stomach cramps. I get it, you don't like something that I ate, now fuck off.
- Self important pensioners. The courier business that I work for doesn't employ seven people just to bring you the free paper every Tuesday morning, we have a couple of other jobs as well so that we can all get paid. So when I bring your papers a couple of hours later than usual (but still a day earlier than you should have them) don't spend 20 minutes berating me about it. Honestly, I couldn't care if you throw them straight in the bin, as long as I deliver before them Thursday then I'm getting paid.
- EA's servers. In three quarters of virtual American Football, my game lagged as I was timing two field goals and three passes. It probably happened a lot of other times that I didn't notice too. There's only ever 22 players on the pitch, how hard can it be?
- Amazon customers. The game that I was playing just a week ago doesn't work, looks like I'm about to get shafted out of a working disc. Luckily, I have the customers address.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Following a day in which I have inserted too few knives into too few faces (zero at the last count), here is a list of things that need stabbing in the face.